Today I realized I wasn't the only one entertaining fantasies. And let's be totally honest, the fantasy which ultimately hurts the most is the one involving lost love. Just because you shared the same affinity for a certain band with someone does not mean you cannot grow in music together with someone else. A new love does not diminish what you once had with someone else, but it should be more important to you now! Oh what hypocrites we are.
Rockefeller said,"sometimes in order to live, parts of you must die". It means a certain amount of pain is to be experienced in the process of shedding what is necessary in order to achieve what is best.
Have you read the book "Tuesdays with Morrie"? Here are some lessons learned from it.
Lesson 1) Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do.
Lesson 2) Accept the past as past without denying it or discarding it.
Lesson 3) Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others.
Lesson 4) Do not assume that it is too late to get involved.
Lesson 5) In order to live, we must first learn to die.
We spend a lot of our time busying ourselves with things of little importance. When we realize that our time is limited, we develop a sense of urgency and we start reconciling our lives by making changes. I know this to be true for my life. I started having an awakening and was given a new perspective. Consequently my actions are rooted in more important things, the things of God.
"He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." Matthew 10:39
Christ tells us that we must follow him and surrender everything—our wills, our bodies, and our lives. Our carnal mind is driven by pride and selfish desires. We must live our lives as living sacrifices, which is a reasonable service! I think this cradles the phrase we often hear, God will never ask us to carry a burden which is too hard for us to bear. If we put our security in physical things, then we will lose our spiritual lives.
"Tuesdays with Morrie" concludes with the author expressing his desire to talk with the person he was twenty years earlier. He would tell himself to ignore the lure of advertised values and to pay attention when loved ones spoke, as if it were the last time he might hear them. None of us can undo what we have already done, but as Morrie said, it is never too late to make a difference.
Below is a song that has had a huge impact on me this year dealing with love. Recently, the first line has rushed over me like a fury of waves as I'm laying on the warm, wet beach. Over and over their watery lyrics rush into my ears, trickle between my very fiber and pound into my heart. I know what it's like to feel the pleasure of growing pains. Yes, there is pleasure in pain. It means shedding parts of me which must die in order to save the whole, most valuable part of my self. There is victory in that. I think the courage to endure has now taken effect. How long can I be strong? Through myself and with my own selfish motivations, not long. There is pleasure in pain.
And while my motivation for missing Adam is selfish at times, I do believe it comes from a place of love. Doesn't that sound contradictory? I don't care how it sounds sometimes, I care that it is said (but I am working on both!). I love him and I miss him. Out of the myriad of things I miss, I picked these two. I miss hearing about his computer giving him fits because he gets too cute and fussy over his second love. Ok computer? I miss looking into his beautiful, reassuring eyes whenever I have doubts that my world will be ok. My world was more than ok with him in it. In the past I hated hearing people say, I could go on... and then they don't. I get it. It must be because they don't want to bore you with their sappy romantical feelings. This is one of those times I could ramble on and on to you. Feeling these joyous feelings of growth and exploration seem slightly diminished when I think about not being able to share them with the person on this Earth who matters the most to me. Instead, I will allow my past words of optimism to carry you through until we meet here again.
"No One's Gonna Love You" by Band of Horses
It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.
Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way
But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do
But someone
They should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard
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