It all Rings Clear

I had an experience which everything came full circle for me. I work inside a body shop at a rental car company. There was a customer that came in who looked familiar. Upon looking at this identification, I realized why his name was familiar to me. BK. I asked you out once! Let me explain:

I travelled to Wendover to see 311 with two of my friends in the winter of 2010. We had awesome seats in the Sony section due to my friend Lance's connections to the band. As I sat there before the concert started, an attractive guy caught my eye. He was filiming the concert from the sidelines. I told Lance and his girlfriend sitting next to me about my new concert crush. They encouraged me to do something about it because after all, this was my only chance to talk to him! I determined I was a gusty girl and I stood up and walked with power over to him. He seemed genuinely shocked but interested in my attempt to ask him for him number. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said yes but that he would love to still keep in touch. I felt rejected by the situation, not by him because he was trying to be respectful of his girlfriend. We exchanged digits without any expectations.
We started texting back and forth for the next week. I found out that he didn't have a girlfriend, but he was still in a relationship... with his WIFE. He told me they were separated. Further digging revealed "separation" is a loose term because they were in fact, still living together! I felt semi comfortable with accepting his request to take me snowboarding. Immeditately after though, it hit me- what about his wife!? These are the thoughts that ran through my mind: "How would she feel about this? This is a date Amy, not a hang out! He is a married man! He is asking you to be the other woman! RUN RUN RUN." I had been in LaLa Land. I told him I didn't want to get in the way of his relationship with his wife, no matter how strained it currently was. He needed to fix his relationship before moving on with someone like me. I told him I couldn't go out with him now or ever until he was divorced if that's what he decided to do and we needed to stop talking. He agreed and said goodbye amicably.
Fast forward to now in the body shop. BK was now sitting in front of me as I was proceeding with the rental car process. We talked about how him and his wife were currently doing. He said they were still together and working things out. A wave of realization hit me. I could have damned two people from being together but I didn't! I chose to do the right thing at that time back in 2010. I am so glad I did.

Romancing Amy

"I love you for the reasons people stay together."

True romance is not lust, it is a commitment of intent.

Sometimes I think to myself that I am in a great love affair with Adam. I have purposely put myself in a vulnerable position and the reality remains that he could be gone tomorrow. But I have trust in him and my future with him. This is because I have something which feels tangible to which I rely on. It is the knowledge that every decision prior to Adam I have made has led me to him. This is easy to say now that we are together, but let me explain my story.

I was at a crossroads August 31, 2009. I had an awakening. By September 1, I was fully alive, and ready to start my new path. That was the day I started being brave. I drove from Kentucky to Idaho with my little companion pup, Lexington. Gosh I miss her. She was the only living thing who fully knew my situation. In the end, I gave her to a better home, parents who could take care of her better than I could in my new situation. I arrived in Idaho and packed my HHR full of everything that was important to me- photos and journals mostly. I knew where I was headed, where I was meant to be, and that was in Salt Lake City. It was never a question of where I would go after I graduated from BYU-Idaho, SLC was the place I needed to be. I knew I was being prepared for something great.

I struggled to find myself and make my way in SLC. Like I said, this was the time I started being brave. I did things which challenged my every way of thinking. I joined Roller Derby! Ever strap on rusty roller skates without any padding or helmet and skate down a seriously wicked hill? I have. And I was terrified the whole way down... until I arrived at the bottom! I was overjoyed that I pushed myself to the point of discomfort. I learned one thing from a guy I dated during this time. Yes, just one and that's probably why it didn't last. I learned how to turn fear into pure excitement. It's all about my attitude. I choose what state of mind I saturate myself with.

This is not a story about perfectionism, because I can't produce those kinds of results. I can only be myself, pure and true Amy! And that's the way I like myself, polished so you can see everything including but not limited to, the pretty imperfections. I don't believe perfection is beautiful because I believe that limits our perception about the possibilities of impurities being the truly beautiful elements. Now overcoming those imperfections and turning them into strengths- WOWIE! that is a real page turner to me.

This is not a story about my past, this is a story about my life when I started really living. I found my Mr. Prince Charming. His name is Adam and he is very real.